gambling should not be a source of income
Published on May 14, 2004 By josiebabe In Life Journals
I'm trying to decide if I'm being completely unreasonable.

I don't like gambling. I can condone it as a form of entertainment, but something about all that money just seems wrong to me. Now, my boyfriend is heading off to the casino. He's not a big gambler, and he's only gambled a few times in five years. I know he's doing this just to make a couple of bucks, but I don't approve of it. He's not going for 'fun'. I'm not going to change what I think, but I wonder if I'm being too much of a nag.

So what do you think? Am I overreacting? Should I stop emphasizing how much I don't respect what he's doing?

Thanks a bunch

on May 14, 2004
Yes. You seem entirely unreasonable.

You don't seem entirely clear as to why it's wrong. "All that money." What does that mean, exactly? $50? $500? $5000? And if it isn't for entertainment, why is that more wrong than if he's doing it to make money? Would working the night shift as a Piggly Wiggly stockboy be more fitting?

Is spending $100 on a meal wrong, too? What about $1500 for a handbag? Or $20K for a car?

It's all wrong. We should all stay at home and do nothing.
on May 14, 2004
I see your point, and I like your response. Thanks.

I don't think I can answer as smart as you, but I'll be more specific. Although it is more comfortable than working at the Piggly Wiggly, I'm not very supportive of my bpyfriend using his gambling wins as a source of income.

If you are currently unemployed and are using the last thousand of your income tax return to play poker in hopes that you'll line your pockets, well, then I might be a bit appalled at your habits. If you are planning on joining the underground gaming or betting scene, then I might express my concern. May be by 'all that money' I meant 'dirty money', you know money made from whoring or pushing buttons. Gambling a couple hundred or so at the casino is fine, but if that's all you have, and you're the love of my life, then I'm gonna be pissed.

And I have nothing against living life. Spend on clothes and dining as you wish. One of my closest friends is VP of a clothing company and I'm in awe of what she spends to live comfortably. I would enjoy living a lavish life, but until I finish school and pay off my loans, couture and fine dining will have to wait.
on May 14, 2004
I think you're missing aegix's point here... how is gambling that money away any worse than any other luxury expense? It's just as frivolous as buying expensive clothes or shoes. If it is done in a legal manner, and not obsessively, then there's no harm being done to anyone. Plus, it is his money.

To turn things around, lets say you have a think for buying expensive handbags and expensive shoes. It's just something you go out and do once every blue moon because it strikes your fancy. How would you feel if your boyfriend said he was morally opposed to you buying those items because he does not agree with what they are/represent? He would be dictating to you how to spend your money according to what he feels is right or wrong.

You can't so easily distinguish between expensive food, clothing, accessories and gambling. Especially if the gambling is done in a responsible manner (like he seems to be doing).
on May 14, 2004
You're still not very clear as to what category your BF is in. Is he the unemployed guy trying to grab the brass ring? If so, you can be justified in some way, but gambling really isn't the issue. It's the issue of him and his spending of the money (and arguably, time) that has you torqued. If he went out and spent that same money on a leather jacket, you don't think that leather jackets are evil, do you (assuming you're not a PETA-phile)?

I guess I'm still waiting for the explanation as to what is inherently wrong with gambling? I know dozens of guys who make their living on sports betting. They don't take the action (bookies), but they place bets. They pay their losses and they get paid for their wins. Sure, it's under the table, but they never place a bet they can't cover and they never bet on a sport they don't have a knack for. It's boring as hell, but it pays their bills. So, how is that dirty? How is that whoring? If you explained your position a little, it might make more sense.
on May 14, 2004
Ok, let me try again. I didn't want to get too detailed because I thought I would bore you, and I probably am missing the point.

My boyfriend is going to a real casino right now, but he is also planning on going to some underground card games. And on top of that he is also dealing underground card games on the side, trying to start a business. May be I've watched too many casino movies, but the whole scene of chronics around a poker table irks me. I mean, I know the difference between playing around and being a chronic, but for me, I don't want to be in a relationship with someone who goes to 12-hour long poker games. I disapprove of the lifestyle associated with chronics, although I'd be a hypocrite if I said I didn't like the money. I just wish that he wouldn't get involved in that scene again.

There isn't anything inherently wrong with gambling, and I'm kind of torn apart because I like spending what he wins. I dislike the idea of earning your keep by playing games. I'm sure it's fine for some people, and it's fine for a time, but I'm upset because I want this man to father my children one day. I cannot have him believe that I'm ok with it.
on May 14, 2004
...and not to say that I'm some sort of poker apologist, either. Luckily, I'm so bad at the game and have so little tolerance to sit in those 12-hr games you described that I could never be a good player. Given your explanation, I guess I'd be unhappy as well. Previously, it sounded as though he was just a guy blowing off some steam playing a game.

Coincidently, I saw Poker Kings on TV last night. It was about five WSOP hopefuls, following them for a year up to the actual tourney. Phil Helmuth is the sort of guy who makes a good living at poker (and more likely, at being Phil Helmuth) , but he has such a paper-thin ego that I think he'd be a horrible person to be around for any length of time. All the pros I ever used to read on the newsgroups sounded like they were continually one bad streak from the padded room hotel.
on May 14, 2004
Let him go. There are vastly worse things he could be doing.
on May 14, 2004
Gambling is like drinking, when you do it socially or lightly it can be harmless fun, but when it jumps into the excessive category it can hurt others which is when it becomes abuse...
on May 15, 2004
according to the state of california, draw poker involves skill rather than luck and is therefore legal if approved by voters in a local municipality. the state has determined stud poker to be a game of chance rather than skill.

i know theyve got it backwards because i can't win consistently at draw poker while i have, at considerable initial expense, learned to play stud profitably.

there's a considerable difference between a friendly weekly game with friends and playing poker in a casino. involvement in an commercial illegal game is a world apart from either. participation as a player involves risk of arrest on one hand and the possibility of being robbed, injured or killed on the other. dealing or other involvement in operating the game obviously puts one in greater jeopardy with the law and outlaws.

youd be foolish if you werent concerned. whether he is going to heed your concerns or whether they are applicable to him specifically is another issue entirely.
on May 15, 2004
thanks kingbee.

I kinda feel like a mobster's wife.
on May 16, 2004
carmela? nawwww

its not as bad as all that