sick of it all
Published on May 15, 2004 By josiebabe In Life Journals
And so it continues... I'm sick of hearing myself talk about it. My friends are sick of my crying wolf everytime I say I don't want to be in this relationship. This is partly the reason why I'm writing here because I need to let my frustrations out somewhere. But this is all my one-sided look at how things are, so it's not the complete truth. I don't mean for this to be enjoyable reading for anyone, because it annoys even me.

So I'm reading this relationship book. It's like a diagnostic test to see if you should stay in your relationship or not. I'm going through it and I'm thinking about what it's asking of me. Every question it puts forward, I can answer, but the answer is never definate. Like, is there something that the two of us do together, that we look forward to, brings us closer together, and that we both get pleasure out of? Well, I said yes. Lots of things, and not just sex. But the thing is there isn't anything we do that doesn't lead us into some sort of fight or argument or disagreement. So is it really a 'yes'? I'm going to keep at it. I can't decide if I'm being too pesimistic or not honest enough.

Last night, we were supposed to do something together, and he backed out to go gamble. So fine... he leaves me a message after 6 in the morning and promises to be there for me tonight. Well, too late baby. He knew I had plans with my friends tonight. He says, if you decide to go out with your friends, then I'll come over later. Decide to go with my friends? I'm already going, and he's suggesting that I could back out and spend the night with him cause he screwed it up last night. I don't know if he's going to make me feel guilty if I tell him, no I need to be with my friends.

Well, I'm bored to death.

I'm off to be a geek: going to pick up the books for my summer courses and buy a keyboard for my palm. Ick, I know but it beats lugging around a laptop to class during the summer. I think I've really marked myself out now.

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