He did it again, that insensitve bastard.
Why do I stay? Why do I think I need him? This reads like some lame high school relationship. I never dreamed that I'd be in a relationship with someone who pisses me off to all hell all the time, and at the same time I feel like I can't leave.
Why do I have to be such a woman? Women do this. They hope. He'll change. He won't screw up again. He promises. I always think it will get better. We can't even go grocery shopping without getting into a screaming argument. But I just look at him with all the love in the world, and I can see in him the potential to be my husband, to be a good father. Why do women do this? I look at him and I can't see him for what he is. I can't accept that this relationship will never work because we're too different. All I can see is how good he can be. Why do we hope so much? I don't think that love should be this hard. It should come easier than this. I mean when you plan to marry someone it should be a happy thing, right?
I love him so much, and I don't have the balls to leave... because I have all the hope in the world that he'll live up to be the man he should have always been. But how long? A big part of my indecision has to do with the fact that I can't admit that I'm wrong, that I made a mistake by choosing to be in a relationship for so many years. How could I have chosen the wrong person? I don't know if I'm making excuses for him... or may be I'm making excuses because I don't want to be alone. This is the saddest, most pathetic, waste of time bull that I ever heard.
Basically, I've been with someone twelve years my senior for five years. He's been out of work for most of that time. I understand that we're in some kind of sick, demented, co-dependent relationship. But underneath it all, I have this feeling that it's not just my co-dependent freakiness that keeps me here. So the cycle begins again. He offers me a rose, and I accept. Then we act like none of that bad stuff ever happened. Here goes.